Kill me now.

I really don't understand my parents. Like seriously. They ask so much from me. Especially my mum. Like I am never good enough for them. Do they know how that feels?! When you are not good enough for your own parents?!?!

My mum. She expects an apology every time she thinks I've done something wrong. And there is nothing wrong with that but she has never ever never apologized to me once. I actually keep count of how many times she apologizes to me. Of course little things like accidentally spilling something on me is not counted. I mean like accusing me of something I was not, when she scolds me for absolutely no reason. She has only apologized to me for that once. In my whole life. Once. I was 9 I think. NINE.

So after she scolds me, she comes into my room again and sees me sitting on the floor crying. And then she scolds me for crying. I AM SO MAD LIKE WHAT THE HECK DO I NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CRY?!?!?! And then she asks if I'm stupid? You know what mum, maybe I am.


So so so so mad I wanted to just kill myself and make her regret everything. Oh my gosh. My mum thinks I'm stupid.


Like wtf. I am never good enough for them. Like hello, they never bother thinking about how I feel and the go on saying like HOW DO YOU THINK THIS MAKES ME FEEL?!


Well what about me? Am I not entitled to feel too? Do I not have feelings too?!??!



Fuck. I'm crying my stupid head off as I type this. I was actually planning to do something nice for my mum on Mother's day, since I haven't got her anything in ages. But I don't see the point.


I remember once when someone asked me if I loved my mother, I was hesitant to answer. WHO THE HECK IS HESITANT TO ANSWER IF SHE LOVES HER MOTHER!?!??!


I must love her deep down. But now I am just full of hatred.


I really shouldn't feel this way but I do.



I realized that I am growing to become like my mum. I get angry so easily. I'm inheriting her hot temper. And the last person I wanna be like is my mum. She is always so mad, so angry. Do you know my mum is so seldom nice to be with??? Those moments when she is nice, Omgsh once in a blue moon. I have to wait till she's happy to spend time with her!! I mean who wants to spend time with someone who is constantly mad?!

My mum is the only person in the world capable of making me cry so much.


I am crying even harder as I am typing all this. I am so so mad. So so sad.








When will I ever be good enough?!