Smartphones (Android, iPhones, Blackberries) are wonderful
things, aren’t they? They allow you to do things on the move, things you never
thought you could do before. Now, we’re not saying that it’s a bad thing that
you can tell the world about how interesting your last session in the toilet
was. But why? Why, for the love of things all decent and holy, would you do
such a thing?
People love their smartphones, and they love using them. Even
for some of the more nonsensical reasons we’re going to list below. Here are seven
things that people do, when they really, really don’t have to. How many are
YOU guilty of?
7. Telling people
where you are
Foursquare. Facebook Check-In. Google Latitude. Footprints.
Twitter geo-tagging. All of these things are ways for you to let people know
where you are. It’s almost like we’re inviting
stalkers to come and look for us. Wondering how that creepy kid in the year
below always seems to know where you are? Tried thinking of a way to get rid of
unwanted attention? STOP TELLING EVERYONE WHERE YOU ARE EVERY SECOND OF THE
DAY. Whatever happened to, you know, telling people through a call or text
message? It’s almost like people have forgotten why we have phones in the first
place. Speaking of
which…
6.Finding your phone
Apple’s Mobile Me. HTC’s Sense. Just two services that allow
you to find your phone in case, you know, you lose it. Sure, it’s great in
principle. Find a computer, log in, track where your phone is. Now, here’s the
rub. If you can remember your secure login password, why can’t you remember
where you put your phone? Take proper care of it! A guy would never willingly
let his PS3 or car keys simply drop out of sight, but phones go missing all the
time. Either we do that, or we borrow someone’s phone to play ‘let’s follow the
ring tone.’ It’s like playing hide and seek, only dumber and far more
expensive.
5. Exercising
All smartphones have accelerometers and GPS. For exercising,
the idea is to plan out your jogging route, or an exercise routine, strap the
phone somehow to your body, and then get the phone to calculate your burned
calories and exercise distance. WHY? Count how long you’ve been jogging! Read
the distance on your treadmill! No, I do not want to upload my data to nike.com
so that they can figure out if I’m exercising properly or not. I’d be TIRED. I
can TELL when I’m tired!
4. Taking
artsy-fartsy photographs with an app
You have Instagram. Even better, you have Camera360. No,
wait, you have Facebook’s camera app with all those nice looking effects.
Here’s a home truth: YOU ARE NOT A PHOTOGRAPHER. You have not been elevated to
the status of recorder of human history or wonderfully artistic hipster by
virtue of applying a sepia effect and Helvetica-fonted phrases! It’s like
saying I should be an award-winning composer by virtue of being able to guess
the name of a Beethoven symphony. Or my cat being allowed to schedule my life
because he learned how to flush a toilet.
3. Typing
looooooonnggg messages and emails
Get a laptop. It’ll be cheaper than an iPhone 4S, or a
Samsung Galaxy SIII. It’ll be able to do more things. It’ll even let you go
online without going blind as you squint and constantly readjust text on screen
to be readable. You’d even have the
comfort of typing on a full keyboard! Or watch movies! Speaking of movies…
2. Watching movies
(or enjoying any type of media)
This one irks me. Why do people downsize their movie files,
or compress their music, compromise the quality, and then complain about their
phones being crap at playing media?! Sure, you have dedicated apps for music
and movies. But on a tiny 3.7 inch screen? With electronics that are not
optimised for audio or video reproduction? Are you KIDDING ME? Yes, let’s
listen to lousy compressed mp3s of 1Direction because it’s cool to use a smartphone to do it.
1. Checking the time
This is the single biggest reason why we always run out of
phone battery. The screen takes up most of the battery power, due to the
display. And what do we do 847 times in a day? Use our phones to check the
time! Get a watch! Save yourself the trouble of wasting battery just to CHECK
THE TIME. And you wonder why your phone always runs out of battery.
Can you think of any other useless things people use a
smartphone for? Leave a comment or let the writer know.
About the Writer
Hailing from Kuching, Sarawak, Syed Rafie is more than just a wordsmith with an unnatural love for electronics, gadgets and video games. Working as a writer and editor at Malaysia’s largest online shopping mall,
Lazada Malaysia, he tends to favour pursuits that challenge his lack of physical refinement and his obvious intellectual deficiencies. Connect with him on Google+ (
Syed Rafie), or follow him on Twitter (@origamiblade) for more product news, previews, reviews, comparisons and personal thoughts that could mangle your understanding of the space-time continuum.
